My husband has served with the military since 1996. He has been part of the Air Force Reserves, and now serving with the Indiana Air National Guard. Every year he has done some sort of time away from home, mostly it was a weekend away each month and about 2 weeks away at some time each year. His longest deployment outside of the states prior to this tour was three months. I thought that was long. Next came nine months away from home, within the states to do training for a new career field. That wasn't so bad, we flew him home for Thanksgiving and Christmas and we were able to speak to each other every day. This time is for 7 months and he is not stateside. We do not live near a military base and the one he serves at is very small. Since we are not active duty, we do not have the support active duty military families receive to get prepared for deployment. I do not have the benefit of having a group of other military families that I can call or just hang out with during my husband's absence. Not one person from his base has called to make sure everything is okay or to see if there is anything that we need while he is gone. Life is very different for a military family who is not active duty. The people in my community do not understand what life is like for us. In fact, I often get the comment, "well at least your husband won't be gone for years like some military families". I just smile and want to correct them and say, those military families do get to come home in between tours of duty and those back to back tours are not happening as often any longer.
Having said that, I am part of a church body and if I needed anything, all I would need to do is ask and I am sure I would get the help that I need. However, since we do not live in a military community, it's hard for anyone at our church to even understand what things I might need. People ask me, "How are you doing", and I smile and say, we are doing fine. Do they really want to know the truth? Part of me thinks that I need show everyone that everything is fine. I can handle this. I'm a strong Christian and I know that people watch me. If I waiver at all, they'll think she's not trusting in the Lord to provide and take care of her. You know, people can be judgmental and critical. Even Christians. I don't want to be self-focused, I want to be others focused and so I pour my heart out to the Lord and He hears my cries. He's the only one that needs to know anyway.
Here's the question that people should be asking, "What can I do for you this week to help you?".
I write this not for the sake of getting help, but to share with you that the way we word things can make all the difference. You may know of a single parent or a widow or a military family in your community or church that might be in the same season that I am in right now and they do need your help, even when they don't ask for it.
Here are some ways you might be able to help:
Offer to watch their children. Give a specific day and time you are available. This might allow the person to go get a haircut or go to a doctors appointment or go to a special function at church or elsewhere that they normally wouldn't be able to do.
Make a meal for them to stick in the freezer for future use.
Invite them over for a meal or to spend time doing an activity. We have been invited to eat with other families and this has been such a blessing as our meal time has become very quiet and lonely.
Offer to help around the house or the yard. Single parents, widows and military families with children are trying to do it all and something has to be given up.
Most of all pray for them. One of the things I have noticed is that as I continue to get use to how quiet and lonely it is around my house, I tend to want to hibernate and just stay in my house and not get out and do anything. I have to fight that and I do because I know that God has a plan for me to serve Him whether or not my husband is by my side. It's hard though and I have to force myself to stay among the living.
Once you find a way to bless a single parent, widow or military family whose spouse is deployed you will be surprised at how blessed you are by blessing others.
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